Revising your work

Use active voice
"Conan Doyle advances the idea of evolution through Challenger."
 "Malone is looking to confirm Challenger's assertions."
"Malone seeks confirmation of Challenger's assertions."

In The Lost World, the journalist, Edward Malone, records the events of the expedition.

Revisions:
Writing is important in The Lost World because it is our only communication with the action.

Importantly, our only communication with action in the text occurs through writing.

Writing, in the form of letters, announcements, and reports, conveys the action of the expedition.

The writing becomes an account for Malone's memory when he states,"I have said--or perhaps I have not said, for my memory plays me sad tricks these days" because so many events occurred so quickly and he hadn't much time to document everything (123).

Writing corrects the unreliable nature of memory: "my memory plays me sad tricks these days" (123).
Many events occur so quickly that Malone lacks the time to document everything.

The use of the word "dear" is the only formal indication of the epistolary nature of the narration besides the word "addressed."
Conan Doyle uses "Dear" and "addressed"to indicate the epistolarly nature of the narration.

Conan Doyle uses suspense to help bring the reader into the adventure and become an active participant.

Conan Doyle's use of suspense helps bring the reader into the adventure and become an active participant.
Conan Doyle uses suspense to draw the reader into the narrative; this allows the reader to participate vicrariously in the adventure.
Conan Doyle uses suspense to heighten the sense of drama and primal emotion in the text.